Monday, 8:31am.
I just got off the scales. And what to my wondering eyes should appear? A number that is less than expected, that's what! Am I happy? With the number, yes. With my frame of mind? No. Why, then, all the doom and gloom. Well, sit right back and I'll tell you a tale.
I work the afternoon shift, 3pm-11pm, and if there isn't enough people working that night on mids, like due to a sick call, then one of the 3-11 people, like myself, gets mandated to stay for 4 hours. Yes, 4. That's better than some centers who mandate for 8. But anyway, there was a sick call, and I get held Saturday night.
I made it through the dinner hour on my regular shift, eating my 1 cup of refried bean chili (oh it's yummy!), fruits and veggies. I even had 32 ounces of water. But before all that happened, I rode Saturday morning for 2 hours. Thirty-one miles! My best so far. So, I go to work, then the sick call came in. "Is it my hold?" I asked. "Yep, sure is." my supervisor snappily replied. Dejected, I tried to turn it into a positive thing. I thought "Oh well, it's four hours of overtime. We could use the extra cash".
It was just me, my supervisor, who had already signed up for the other open slot of overtime prior to the sick call.Then the question came from the lone midnight shift person around 11:05PM: "You guys hungry?" I shook my head trying to ignore this tempting question that I knew would come up. My suprevisor and I had a discussion regarding this very question and what our response would be. She said she would get something. I said maybe.
"Ill get something if you're going, but something small, I already ate".
Yeah right.Small.I know my track record. And I was hungry.
"How about Taco Bell?" I meekly said. I was greeted with "How about real Mexican food?" I said sure, wrote down my order, handed him my debit card and went back to dreaming of my Specialized Allez or Secteur while my heavenly junk food was being ordered and prepared for my consumption. Heck, I am even thinking of going back to the Trek route.
Oh boy. The food arrived.
Steak? I ordered ground beef. That's OK, Ill eat it. Ugh. This grease is like pooling in the foil wrapper. Oh. Why did I eat that burrito? Why? Oh I'm so miserable, ugh. Shoot me now! PLEASE! I don't want to do this! Why did I eat this? I've blown all I worked for! I see a 5 pound weight gain coming on! I cant handle this! Maybe I can purge it(These were the thoughts in my head. Though I didnt purge, I know the implications if this starts to become more of an issue).
I cant wait to get home and go to bed.
And so I did. By 3:45 am, I was sound asleep. Burrito and all. Sweet (burrrrrp) dreams. Oooff....
I awoke around 10am, due to the fullness of my bladder. As soon as I walked out of the bathroom, the thought hit me like a frying pan in the face. I ate that burrito. I ruined everything. Well, that set me off on the wrong foot. I was now in a crabby mood.
I felt bad for my family. They were feeling the effects of my poor decision. That wasn't fair to them. And to top it all off, Sunday was my daughter's final 2 holiday concert performances, and we were headed out to the 2pm show. I needed to change.
Now it's Monday, and after a lengthy pep talk from the Mrs last night before turning in, I realized that it was a mistake. I need to forgive myself and move along. But I think what is really helping me deal with that more today is the number on the scale:
212.5.
Not 217. Not 215. Two-hundred and twelve point five! Seeing that number helped me to realize that I was worrying for nothing. Sort of that swipe your forehead and say 'Whew". Or look into the mirror and say 'See? You worried for nothing".
Will I do it again? Yes. Will I feel the same? That's unknown. But I now know how I felt. I know how it will affect me. I also know, I dont want to do it again.
As far as the pep talk went, we decided that I am concentrating too hard on this. The weigth will come off. That is a given. It's how I am going to ride that will need the tweaking.
And that, is fodder for another entry.
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